My Journey As A Single Working Mom
A lot has been said about women in the workforce. But most of what is said, is said in reference to married women; about the sacrifices they have to make versus their husbands and male counterparts at work.
While I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s struggle in any manner, I can’t help but wonder why there aren’t enough stories about work/life challenges faced by single women; more importantly, women who are single parents.
Now, being a single parent is difficult on men too. However, for women, it gets even more challenging due to the unfair standards imposed on us by the society and lack of accommodative practices at the workplace. I should know. I am one of them.
Today, I wish to put my story out there to let women like me know – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Hailing from a traditionally strict, orthodox home, it was unheard of for women in my family to even have a job, let alone raise their kids on their own. I was all of 21, when I decided to separate from my husband, and move to Chennai with my two little children in tow. Naturally, I was immediately ostracised from my family and my community.
When reality hits, it hits hard. Everybody I knew had left me. To make matters worse, I didn’t even have a job. For someone so young and inexperienced in the ways of the world, it was an extremely daunting time.
Luckily, I found work as a caregiver, for a meagre monthly salary of Rs.4000. With my kids, I moved into a tiny apartment in Choolaimedu, which was not a great part of the city back then. Yet, we persevered, thanks to friendly neighbours and well-wishers.
Later, I took on an admin role at Shaimak Davar International. It was here that I realised my passion for a career in marketing and sales. Not having the relevant experience or a B-school education, I had to strive hard to pave my career path. Soon enough, I succeeded in landing my first real sales job at Inox. This meant more hours at the office and less time at home with my kids. While I made sure they were well taken care of in my absence, the thought of not being there for them when they need me the most, hasn’t left my mind to this day.
However, I did make sure of one thing. As soon as my kids were old enough to understand, I sat them down and came clean about the challenges we were going to face and how we needed to work together to sort them out.
By not hiding my struggles from my kids, I made them feel involved. It worked. Our relationship changed from that of parent and kids, to that of friends, overnight.
Unlike most kids, my daughter and son learned to be independent early on. They displayed empathy and understanding beyond their age, not only about the little things, but the big things as well. Like, ‘why mom couldn’t cook for them every day’ or ‘why mom couldn’t afford to take them on foreign holidays like their friends’ parents’. But no matter what, I ensured we sat down for at least one meal together, every week. And those were some of the happiest times we shared.
Though I was steadily climbing the corporate ladder, it was only when I joined PVR that I truly soared. Thanks to my understanding bosses, I could finally excel at work without sacrificing too much of my parenting time.
Today, my kids are all grown up and preparing to chase dreams of their own. My daughter is studying to be a commercial pilot, while my son aspires to become an actor. And against all odds, I continue to bring my best self to work.
Just a few days ago, I received an award for my contribution to the media industry. It is not my first award, nor will it be my last. But my greatest award will always be the two confident, kind and bright young people I raised single-handedly.
All the single working moms out there! You have a hard job, but not an impossible one. Don’t be afraid to speak up when it matters or to ask for help when you need it. It may take time for corporations to accommodate our needs but voicing our struggles will go a long way to address this gap.
